Good day Joshua. Here I am doing something that I said I would never do and thought I would never do. I’m sharing my story with you. That was never part of my plan, never something I expected or wanted to do.
What changed, you may be wondering? What changed is I read Jack’s story. It spoke to me in a special way because of how he talked about paying for sex. He said it wasn’t something he would do but he knew other people do it and that he had no problem with that. My story began because I was paying for sex.
I’m not ashamed of it. I always saw it as being like any other service you pay for, like paying for gas for the car, electricity for the house, or Netflix for my eyes. Yeah, probably more like Netflix. Entertainment.
Anyhow, when I read Jack’s story, I figured if he was hesitant about talking about this sort of thing, other people probably were too. So I figured it was probably worthwhile to share my story because it will maybe help somebody else out there in a similar situation.
Like I said, I was paying for it. I used an escort agency. Regularly. Regularly enough that I had an account there, and the girl who answered the phone never had to ask my name. Often enough that if I died in a ditch, they’d probably be the first to notice I was missing.
I had several regular girls, and liked to switch things up every now and then with new ones. You don’t want to hear the ins and outs of what went on, that’s not the point of me telling you all this. The point is this. One day, a couple years ago, they sent me a new girl called Colleen.
Colleen wasn’t like the other girls at the agency. She was younger, prettier, better educated. I was surprised the first time I saw her. Not displeased mind, but surprised.
Our transaction went as normal, and when she left I made a mental note to ask for her again. There was definitely an attraction there.
A Strange Feeling
I booked Colleen a few days later. When she came to my house, I had a very strange feeling. For the first time in my life, I felt as though using her as an escort would be wrong. It’s hard to explain. It’s like, she was too pure, too good for this.
I don’t mean that in a bad way, even though I know it sounds like it. It sounds like I’m saying escorts aren’t worth anything, or that they aren’t capable of doing other things. That’s not what I mean though. They’re all great women, and I know lots of them have other professions and do this kind of work on the side for some extra money, or because they really enjoy it.
It’s just that when I saw Colleen the second time, it was the first time in my life that I felt dirty for using an escort. So we just chatted.
She seemed surprised, but was fine with it. She was getting paid the same no matter what, so I guess she wasn’t going to complain when I sent out for takeout and treated her to dinner and a bottle of wine. The agency actually has a package like this, they call it the girlfriend experience. Normally it winds up in bed. With Colleen, it started and finished in the kitchen. We ate, we talked, we laughed. That’s as far as it went.
The following week I saw Colleen again. I had that same feeling, but despite my reservations, that time we did end up in bed. I couldn’t help myself. She was a beautiful girl.
My mistake came after that. We’d spent a really nice evening together. It hadn’t felt like she was an escort, it had felt like a date. A proper date. So when she left, I kissed her on the doorstep and asked when I could see her again.
It was a step too far. The agency has rules about things like this. Colleen knew it, and I knew it. She reminded me of the rules, very politely, and said I could call the agency anytime.
It felt like a slap in the face. I thought we had a connection, but for her the evening had been strictly professional.
You see where this is going, right? Like I said, Jack’s story hit a nerve with me. He and I were in similar situations. The only difference for me was there was money involved.
I continued to see Colleen, using the agency, naturally. I didn’t want to risk breaking any rules and getting cut off from her. But about five weeks later, that’s exactly what I did.
I made a proposition to her: leave the agency, I said. Let’s carry this on on our own. We’re good together. We fit.
She was firm but polite. No, she said. This is a professional arrangement. She said, I think maybe it would be for the best if you asked for a different girl next time.
And with that, she left.
Not Seeing Colleen
I called the agency the next day. I couldn’t wait to see her again. But I was told that Colleen wasn’t available. Did I want somebody else? The receptionist rattled off a list of names, most of which were familiar to me, although it had been ages since I had seen any of them. In any other world I would have been tempted. But all I could think about was Colleen. I’d committed the ultimate sin: I’d fallen for her.
After a few days of calling they finally told me Colleen would no longer be available. I asked if she had left the agency? I felt a burst of hope. If she had left the agency, was it so that we could be together? They would neither confirm nor deny.
I didn’t know what to do next. I had no other way of contacting Colleen. I tried to put her out of my mind and carry on without her.
After a week of that not working, I called the agency and booked another girl. One I had used a few times before. But when she came to the house, I looked at her dressed as a whore, and asked her to leave. I said there had been a mistake. I paid her and sent her on her way. It felt as though I would be cheating on Colleen by seeing another girl.
Bad to Worse
There was only one thing for it. I knew where the agency was located, and I knew that sooner or later Colleen would have to go in. All the escorts had regular health examinations. Plus I figured she had to get paid sometime. So I started staking out the agency.
I guess I’m lucky. I work from home. So I could take my laptop with me and sit in the car and keep an eye on the agency and still get work done.
I staked out the place for nearly three weeks before I finally saw her. I slammed shut the lid of the laptop, threw it on the back seat, and made to go after her. I was about to follow her into the agency.
But I stopped myself. This was madness. They had security. They’d never let me see Colleen in there. I had to be smarter than that.
So I waited until she left and then I followed her. If I could just find out where she lived, I could send flowers, or write her, or do whatever it took to make her see we were meant for each other.
But Colleen didn’t go home. She went to a bar where she met someone. A man. He kissed her. Another client? I hung around the bar until the early hours of the morning when she and the man left. They walked hand-in-hand for half a mile, and at a bus stop kissed passionately. She got on the bus and was gone. I had lost her. And it was clear that the guy was no customer. Colleen had a boyfriend.
When I sank into a deep depression after that night, I knew that this was not just about lust or obsession. It took me days to admit it to myself, but I was in love with Colleen.
All I could think about was those evenings we had spent together. Those evenings chatting, laughing, eating and drinking together like any normal couple. Yes, she was being paid to be there, but she really seemed to have been enjoying herself.
Had there been something there? It seemed unlikely. She had a man in her life already. It had never been anything other than professional for her. But for me, I needed more. I needed her.
When I found your website, Joshua, it was like a sign or something. It was like that saying, when the student is ready the teacher appears? I was no student, but I was ready, and you were going to be my teacher even if you didn’t know it. Okay maybe not my teacher, but my savior.
I filled out the form and told you all about Colleen and her job and how we’d met. You said you would cast a spell for me. I asked you, how will I know it’s working? I don’t see Colleen. I don’t even know where she lives. You told me not to worry about that, that she would seek me out when she was ready.
The waiting was agony. I staked out the agency again, desperate to see her, but in all the time I was there, she never came back. Or if she did, I missed her.
I was convinced the spell wasn’t working, and I sank into a deeper depression. You told me to try and avoid that. Being depressed slowed down the spell because it would carry across the connection you had put in place between us. You said if I dwelled on negative thoughts it would slow things down.
It was so hard, but you suggested I concentrate on the good times. That I think about the future and how it could be. I imagined those happy times we had spent together, and projected them as the future. And you know what, Joshua? That actually helped a bit. Every time I caught myself feeling down, depressed, desperate even, I thought about the times we had spent together and I tried like you said to project it into the future and imagine that was how we would be every day.
I wouldn’t say I got over the depression completely, but it sure as hell helped.
Colleen knocked on my door the day of my birthday. She didn’t know it was my birthday, and to be honest I’d forgotten too. I don’t have any family, and none of my friends know when my birthday is because I’ve never been big on celebrating it.
Anyhow, she knocked on my door, I opened it, and stood there speechless as she looked at me and looked at the floor, looked at me again, and looked at the floor again.
Neither of us knew what to say. Was this it? Had the spell worked?
Eventually I spoke, my voice breaking slightly. “Hi,” was all I could manage.
“Hi,” she said. She looked at me, then back at the floor.
“I, um, do you want to come in?” I asked. She nodded and stepped over the threshold and into my house. “A drink?” I suggested. She nodded again.
I knew what she liked, or at least what she said she liked when she was working. Suddenly I was beset by doubt. Did I really know anything about her? Had everything we had always spoken about been a lie? Had this all been a terrible mistake?
“The usual?” I asked. She nodded, and sat down at the kitchen table. OK, it was time to calm down. Maybe not everything had been a lie.
I fixed her usual drink and made myself one too. We sat in silence, both sipping our drinks. Maybe she was waiting for the alcohol to start to take affect. I know I was. “How have you been?” I asked her.
“Not bad,” she said.
“How’s your boyfriend?” I asked, and immediately regretted it.
“We broke up,” she said, and she glanced at me, looking me right in the eye. There was more passed between us in that moment than in all the short conversation so far. In that glance, I knew. I knew why she had split up with her boyfriend. I knew why she was sitting in my kitchen. I knew that the spell had worked.
She must have felt it too, because we both relaxed. We managed to hold eye contact for more than a few seconds. I leaned in and chanced a kiss. She didn’t reject me. We relaxed more.
“I’m so glad you came,” I said.
“So am I,” she said.
“I missed you,” I said.
“I guess I missed you too,” she said. “I didn’t… I don’t…”
“It’s fine,” I said. “I understand.” I wasn’t sure I understood completely, but it didn’t matter.
I fixed us more drinks and asked if she wanted something to eat. The situation was still a little bit tense, even if we had both relaxed. It was like we were about to relive one of our evenings together, only this time there was no agency, there was no contract. There would be no payment. That made it awkward.
“I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” I said.
“Me too,” she said, and she blushed a bit.
“I’m really glad you came,” I said again.
“Me too,” she said, and put down her drink. This time she kissed me. A long, lingering kiss. A kiss loaded with meaning, with emotion.
I hugged her tight, and I felt her relax into my arms.
Something She Had To Do
Our food arrived. With something to distract us, conversation flowed more easily. We talked about everything and nothing. We talked until the early hours of the morning. She made no effort to leave. I certainly wasn’t about to throw her out.
When I saw her eyelids drooping, I did the gentlemanly thing and offered her the guest bedroom. She accepted.
In the morning I made her breakfast. When we had finished eating, she told me she had to leave, there was something she had to do.
“Will I see you again?” I asked, and immediately felt foolish.
She smiled kindly, kissed me, and told me she would be back later.
Good to her words, she did come back. “I’ve left the agency,” she told me.
I knew why.
Never Thought It Would Happen
I never thought anything like this would happen to me, Joshua. It sounds like that movie, Pretty Woman. Well maybe not quite like that, LOL. I didn’t save Colleen, she didn’t need saving. She was happy. She’s told me that she was happy at the agency. She enjoyed the work, and her ex-boyfriend didn’t mind her doing it.
But she also told me that one day she found herself thinking about me, and she couldn’t stop. She said she had never thought about another customer like that. It was like an obsession. Then she realized it was more than an obsession, it was love.
It was a kind of love that she said was the exclusive kind. A love she couldn’t share with anyone else. She wanted to devote all her passion to me. She didn’t want work to stand in the way.
So there you have it. I never told anyone my story before. If it helps just one person, one person who is feeling sad, or desperate like I was, then it will have been worth sharing it. I know you will change my name, and Colleen’s name, and nobody who reads this is likely to recognize us. I know you treat everyone with great respect and confidentiality, for which I am grateful.
As I am grateful for your spell, Joshua. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t been there to help me.