“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a girl, asking her to love her.”
That’s how it went in my head. You know, like that scene from the movie Love Actually. I probably mis-quoted and didn’t get the words exactly right, but you know the bit I mean. Except I said girl, not boy. Because I was in love with a girl, not a boy. And that, right there, was the problem. In my head, in my daydream, it wasn’t a problem. It was like the movie. I made my little romantic speech and Emma’s face would melt into a smile and she would fall into my arms. In reality, Emma was not only not single, she was not even gay.
I’d known her for about a year. We worked together. To start with weren’t on the same floor of the building, though we did work for the same company. I won’t name it, but you’ve definitely heard of it. I noticed her the day she started. She stood out from the crowd. There was something about her. She wasn’t flashy or loud or anything. She wasn’t even what you might call stunning to look at. She was just…right. She was very pretty in a natural way. And she had a quiet confidence about her that made you take notice. It made everyone take notice. She literally turned heads wherever she went. She was out of my league, one of those women you look at, admire, then move on with your life.
Beautiful Creature
I would happily have forgotten that Emma existed, except that a couple of months later she moved to a desk near mine and I had to look at her every day. I know, poor me right? Having to look at this beautiful creature! Actually it was quite bad because she was a distraction. What made it worse was that we became friends.
She asked me if I wanted to join her for lunch. I stupidly got my hopes up that maybe she was interested in me and this was the start of something. For about ten minutes. Which was as long as it took for her to mention her boyfriend.
Friends Without Benefits
Over the months we became good friends. She knew I was gay and it wasn’t a problem. Some girls don’t like it. I don’t know if they think I’m going to try to jump into their bed or what. Other girls are fine with it. They like having a gay friend because they know their boyfriend is safe. Yes, people really are that shallow.
The more I got to know Emma, the more I fell for her. What had started as physical attraction turned into full-on love. We shared interests, we liked to eat the same kinds of thing, enjoyed the same restaurants, had the same taste in books and movies (she was a fan of Love Actually, hence my recurring daydream of that scene and many others), and conversation always flowed easily between us. She even joked once or twice that it was a shame she wasn’t gay because I would make a better girlfriend than her boyfriend was a boyfriend.
Unbearable
It got to the point where it started to become not just uncomfortable but unbearable. I stopped going out with Emma because I wanted to grab her and kiss her all the time and I was afraid I might actually do it. But I couldn’t avoid her at work. It was making me crazy.
I tried to get over her by dating other people. I turned to the apps and went on a load of dates. They were all crap. Not the fault of the girls I was seeing, it’s just that I was comparing them all to Emma, and none of them could come close.
An Idea
It was one of those dates that gave me the idea to use a love spell. The girl I was out with told me she had had one cast on her ex and it had saved her relationship, only for her to realize a couple of months later that she had made a mistake and should never have tried to get back with this girl. I asked her if she was serious about the spell and she assured me it really worked. I asked who had done her spell and she gave me your name.
I looked you up as soon as I got home that night. There are a few Joshua Stones, I guess you know that! But you’re the only one who casts love spells, so I knew I was in the right place.
I read everything on your site and then went to bed, thinking about what could be. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but the girl I had been out with had been adamant that your spell had worked for her.
The next morning, after not much sleep, I got up early and filled out the request on your website. I figured if I waited until after work I would change my mind.
You kindly accepted my case, Joshua, and you gave me lots of information about what to expect. But the thing that gave me the most hope was that you didn’t have a problem with the fact that Emma was a girl and so am I. In my head I had made it this big thing, this insurmountable barrier, but you walked right through it like it was nothing.
The Day of The Spell
I’ll never forget the day of the spell. Emma didn’t come to work, she called in sick. Coincidence? At the time I thought so, but I know now that it was the effect of the spell. She has since told me that something inside her changed that day. It was such a profound change that she needed time alone to process it.
I didn’t see her all that week, but she came back to work the following Monday. She avoided me, which was the next sign something was happening. I told you I had stopped going out with her because I couldn’t handle it, but she had kept asking me to go to lunch or go shopping with her. Now all that stopped. I got worried. Had the spell backfired? That’s when I sent you that email and you told me that this was a good sign. Changes in behavior were a sign of her changing emotions. She was processing her newfound feelings for me, you said.
Something Was Different
And you were right. It took about two more weeks before she plucked up the courage to speak to me again, and when she did I could see in her eyes that something was different.
We arranged to go to lunch. It was strained, but I recognized the symptoms, the reason why. I could see that Emma was going through the exact same thing I had spent the last year going through. That she was avoiding eye contact, but that when I wasn’t looking directly at her, her eyes were all over me. She didn’t want me to catch her looking.
Nothing happened for another week. I mean we went out to lunch and we went out after work a few times, but she didn’t declare her undying love for me or anything like that! It was more of the same, like she was trying to build up the courage to tell me how she felt. I gave her time, I didn’t chase it. I didn’t want to put her off.
The Question
She finally said something on the Friday night. A few of us from work were out for drinks together. A couple of the others had gone back to the bar to get another round, and two had gone to the restroom, so we were alone. Seizing her opportunity, Emma leaned forward, put a hand on my knee, looked into my eyes, and spoke. I think she chose that moment because she knew that in a minute the others would be back and if things went badly for her, we would all soon be lost in conversation and laughter and she wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences.
“Shannon,” she said, her slender fingers almost caressing my knee. “How did you know you…preferred girls?”
She might as well have asked if she could go to bed with me. It was all over her face. And my reaction must have been all over my face because I saw the relief in her eyes. There was a moment of total clarity and understanding between us. We didn’t need words, we both knew.
The Longest Night
The rest of the evening felt like the longest night out I’ve ever had to endure. The others were back and we had to carry on as if nothing had happened. Eventually I made my excuses and left. I waited outside for five minutes, sure that Emma wouldn’t be far behind. Sure enough she stepped outside, saw me, and melted into my arms. That bit at least, was exactly like in my daydreams. No, it was better!
Shock
I’m still in a kind of shock, Joshua. I don’t think I ever really believed the love spell would work. Yet here I am, six weeks later, and Emma is my girlfriend. We haven’t ‘come out’ at work. We are supposed to declare relationships to the HR department, but we’re keeping this quiet. Office gossip is bad enough, but imagine what it would be like if everyone knew I had turned Emma gay! Well, you turned her. She says she’s not gay, that she just has feelings for me. The label doesn’t matter anyway, all that matters is that we are together. The impossible relationship. The girl I never thought I would be with. And we are both very, very, happy, all thanks to you, Joshua.