It was a dark and stormy night… I’m kidding, Josh. I’m just trying to make my story sound more dramatic than it really is! To me, it was dramatic. It was the worst couple of months of my life. To anyone else it was just another dude in a broken relationship… Not dramatic at all.
I know that’s how other people saw it, because they told me. My friends kept saying, “It’s okay Barry, there are loads more fish in the sea. He wasn’t worth it. It’s his loss. If he doesn’t want to be with you then you’re better off without him.” Basically loads of crap like that. To be fair I probably have said the exact same things to my mates over the years when they’ve broken up with people. When it happens to you, you realise how empty those words sound, how meaningless. It made me question the friendship of my mates, which had never been in question before.
If you’re thinking this was my first break up, you would be wrong. I’ve had plenty of boyfriends, and even a few girlfriends before I came out. I never loved any of them. I cared about them, and I was quite close to one or two, but I never properly loved them, Josh. That’s why it was different when Dev broke up with me.
Different With Dev
I’d never met anyone like Dev before. Everyone in the gay community in my town seems to know each other. We all hang out at the same bars, go to the the same nightclubs, and the classy ones among us drink in the same coffee shops. It’s so boring always being around the same people. I think that’s what attracted me to Dev so much. He was different. He wasn’t like anyone else in the community.
So much so, I didn’t realise he was even gay to start with, and I have a seriously well developed gaydar!
I met Dev in the library, it’s where he worked. He was new, I was looking for a book, he had as much trouble finding it as I did, and that might be because we spent more time talking than looking. I was attracted to him straight away, but because I thought he was a straight boy I never flirted or said anything that could be misconstrued. We chatted about the subject matter of the book (local history, don’t judge me). Dev was new to the area as well as the job, and was interested in learning more local history. I offered to show him around a bit, as a friend, nothing more. I thought it would be good to get away from spending time with the same boring people.
We spent the next day together, and he gave me no indication he batted for the other side until it came time to go our separate ways, when he leaned in and kissed me. I was so shocked that he recoiled and apologised, saying he must have made a terrible mistake in thinking I was gay. Haha. That’s how we got together. I fell for him pretty hard. It was love, and it was the first time I knew what love was. Any time I was with him I felt like I was walking on clouds. Any time I wasn’t with him I was thinking about him. Not in an infatuation / lust kind of way, but because I properly wanted to be with him.
Ten Months of Bliss
We were together for ten months. The last day we were together was as intoxicating as the first. More intoxicating even, because by then it was proper, deep, profound love. That made it even worse when he texted me to say it was over.
That was it. It’s over. No explanation, no apology, no “I need some space”. Just, it’s over.
I thought it was a weird joke, and replied with lols and smiley faces. He texted back and said he was changing his number. He changed his number.
I went round to see him. He wasn’t there and his landlord said he had moved out. I went to the library and they told me he had quit. He literally disappeared.
In the days that followed I began to doubt my own sanity. I actually started to wonder if I had dreamt the whole thing. How could someone disappear like that, and with no warning? When a parcel turned up with a few of my belongings in, things I had left at his place, I knew I hadn’t dreamt it at all.
That’s the point when my friends started saying all that stuff about fish in the sea, better off without him, etc. And that’s when I realized what f***ing stupid advice that is, excuse my French. It wasn’t about any other fish. It wasn’t about anyone else. It was about me and about Dev and my love for him.
I didn’t know where to turn for help, Josh. All the usual advice about getting back an ex assumes you can communicate with them. How could I send flowers or poems or love letters pouring my heart out if I didn’t know where he was? Then there’s the ‘treat them mean’ school of thought that says cut them off and start seeing other people so they get jealous. Same problem. He was gone, he was never going to know who I was seeing. And anyway, the thought of going out with anyone else, even with the noble aim of getting back Dev, revolted me. It was Dev or nobody.
I found your website without looking for it. It was while I was trawling through more get-back-your-ex-type pages. Most of them wanted to sell me an expensive course that would show me how to get Dev coming back begging…yeah right. Your website was something different, and it made me sit up and take notice.
I had never considered magic before. Not because I didn’t believe in it, I mean I have just never thought about it before. It’s not something that has ever entered my mind so it’s not something I have ever had an opinion about. It’s like fishing or polar bears or Denver. These things probably all exist but they’ve never entered my mind so I don’t have an opinion about them.
Finding A Match
As I read your website, and especially the love spell stories section, I formed my first opinion about magic. It was like finding a match in a snow storm. It didn’t banish the cold and darkness, but it was a tiny sliver of hope. I lit the match and filled out the request. What did I have to lose?
Waiting for your reply was tough going, which made me realize that the sliver of hope was growing fast. I was surprised to find I really wanted you to say yes. When you did, it was like the match had set light to a candle. A bit more light. A bit more hope.
When the day of the spell came, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t do anything. I was pacing up and down at home, wondering what Dev was feeling. How was it going? Was it working? Were there any problems? How soon would he feel it? You had already told me I would need to be patient, but that’s easier said than done.
I waited up all night, forgetting that you told me it takes a whole day and night to do the spell. When your email finally arrived it was…like I could breath again. The candle had turned into a lantern. More light, a little bit of warmth. More hope. You said you were confident Dev would be back, and something made me trust you.
With good reason it turns out. It wasn’t overnight, that’s for sure. It took time, and I wrote to you once or twice in frustration asking if you were sure it was working. For that I apologize…I know that you are a busy man with more people to worry about than me, and I was not being patient. You remained courteous and assured me everything was “on the right track.”
How right you were. Dev texted me and asked if we could meet. The funny thing is, because he had changed his number, I didn’t even know it was Dev at first. I got this text from an unknown number saying can we meet. There was no introduction or anything like that. Very confusing. It’s only when I replied and asked “who is this?” that he remembered about the number and sent a longer message.
We met in the library — my suggestion. I thought it would remind him of the first time we met, and would rekindle something. Maybe it helped, or maybe it was all your spell Josh, because when we met and our eyes met, something told me everything would be alright. I could see it, he still loved me.
Josh, I’ve thought about this a lot, and I’m not going to write about what we talked about and why Dev left when he did. I understand his reasons now, and I respect them. They are not pertinent to my story. What matters is that when I took that chance, when I filled in that spell request, I took charge of my own future. I set in motion the events that would lead me and Dev to getting back together again. Your spell did the rest, and I don’t know how I will ever be able to repay you. Giving you my story to share it the absolute least I can do.
Dev doesn’t know about the spell, I’ve never told him. The funny thing is, he told me he started to think he had made a mistake in leaving the day after you cast it. How amazing is that? I guess it’s not amazing to you because you see this sort of thing all the time, but to me it was remarkable. Remarkable that a stranger on the internet would give up his time to help another stranger for nothing, and even more remarkable that whatever magical thing he did during that time was enough to make Dev question himself and change his mind. Not just to come back to me, but to make our love even stronger than it was before. I feel like we are bound now, tight together.
Thank you, Josh.