I read a lot of the stories on your website before I wrote to you, Joshua, and I wish I could say that the way Peter and I got together was some amazing story of love that was meant to be, or that we got together in romantic circumstances, but the truth is that I was looking for a shag and I got on Tinder and that’s where I met him.
Maybe because he was on Tinder also looking for a shag with no strings attached should have been a warning. I’ve used that app for a few years and it’s always been for one night stands, a few dates at most, never anything serious.
Somehow it got serious with Peter. He was different. We had great sex and all, everything we both hoped for. But he kind of hung around and I kind of liked it that he hung around. We went out places together, and even though we always ended up in bed, it was like having a proper relationship because we were doing other things together. I think I really understood what was going on when we went to the supermarket together. That scared the shit out of me — that’s proper grownup stuff! Next thing you know you’ve got two kids and a labrador and a divorce looming!
A Step Too Far?
At first I tried to stop seeing Peter after the shopping thing. Only I couldn’t, because I really liked him. And anyway he kept calling me and WhatsApping and all. So we kept seeing each other, and I fell in love with him. My Tinder boy.
That was a bit more than a year ago.
The trouble started when the honeymoon period wore off. You know how it goes I think, you must see it all the time. New relationship, everything’s rosy and you’re all in love and all that. Then the novelty starts to wear off and you start to see all the faults and weaknesses in your partner. Peter must have seen mine, and I certainly saw his. He had one glaring weakness, one fault that was set to break us apart forever: he kept on using Tinder and shagging other women.
At first I was like, what the hell? I had a right go at him when I found out, and he was like, genuinely surprised. He assumed I was doing the same thing. I went mental and said no, I thought we were serious now. I said you don’t go shitting on your partner like that when you’re serious. He said we weren’t serious, that I’d mistaken this for something else, and it was best if we didn’t see each other anymore.
Fine, I said. Suits me. So we stopped seeing each other.
For about two weeks.
He came crawling back first. Said I was right, we were serious. At least, he was serious about me. He said it had taken two weeks apart to realise it.
So we got back together, and he promised to delete Tinder off his phone.
Silly cow I am, I believed him.
Everything was great again for a while, then one of my friends said she’d seen him out with another girl. I confronted him and he didn’t even deny it. He said she’d swiped him on Tinder. I said that’s not how that works, sunshine. You must have swiped her too, and anyway, I thought you’d deleted Tinder? He said he’d meant to but had never got round to it, then this message arrived and the girl was pretty and he really didn’t want to hurt me and that old habits die hard and so on, until I smacked him one and told him to get out of my sight.
I took him back, obviously. Sucker.
It was okay for another month or so, and then virtually the exact same thing happened. He got caught on another Tinder date with another pretty girl.
That time I didn’t even shout at him, I just cried. I told him I was in love with him but he couldn’t love me back. He said he did, but I said that wasn’t possible otherwise he wouldn’t be able to do what he had been doing to me. Couldn’t he see it was killing me? He said yes, he could see that, and he really wanted to change. And he said he couldn’t promise anything, and maybe I was better off without him.
The Logic of Love
I thought about that for a long time. Was he right? Logic said yes, but since when did love ever follow logic? I couldn’t lose him, but I couldn’t have him pissing off with Tinder girls every month, it was a price too high to pay.
My friend, the one who had seen him out on that first date, suggested that I make him love me more. She said if I could make him infatuated with me, the temptation from the other girls would just melt away. Sounded good, but how do you make someone love you more? That’s like asking what’s the meaning of life. She said I should use a love spell, and she mentioned your name. I went to your site, read all those stories, and thought, shit, might as well give it a try.
I told you that Peter loved me in his own way, but I wanted him to stop seeing these other women. I wanted an obsession spell. You said there was no such thing, and said I didn’t need an obsession spell, a regular love spell would do the job. So with the spell booked in, I went back to trying to convince Peter to delete Tinder again. I thought it was best to work the problem from both ends.
A Funny Thing
Peter didn’t delete Tinder when I asked. He kept saying he would, but it was always when he’d finished this or that, any minute now, never now. I knew that really meant never.
But then a funny thing happened. About two or three days after you cast the spell, Peter deleted Tinder from his phone. I hadn’t asked him to do it for about a week, I’d given up trying. But right there, in front of me, over breakfast, and without saying a single word, he took his phone out and deleted the app, making sure I could see what he was doing. Then he reached across the table and held my hand tightly. Neither of us spoke.
Deleting Tinder was great, but it didn’t mean he was a changed man. He could just as easily put it back when my back was turned, so even though I lapped up the attention, I wasn’t getting too excited yet.
Step by Step
The thing is, it wasn’t just getting rid of the app. That was only the first step. He stopped going out with his mates so much. God that sounds awful doesn’t it? Like I’m this mad woman trying to control him! It’s not like that though, Joshua, I promise. He still sees his mates, just not almost every night. He doesn’t roll in drunk and expect me to clear up his puke. He tells me about his plans before he goes anywhere, and he calls me while he’s out to tell me he’s thinking of me. Which is to say that he treats me like someone he actually loves.
That’s not all. He booked a surprise weekend away for us. He’d never done anything like that before. He took us to a fancy spa hotel, slap up meal, treatments, the works.
And best of all, we moved in together properly. He already spent a lot of time at my place, but we made it official. Moved all his stuff in and got rid of his flat. Big, grownup living together, shopping together (which doesn’t scare me so much now), the lot. We share bills, he even does his share of the housework and he cooks for me.
He hasn’t asked me to marry him yet, and to be honest Joshua I don’t think I’m ready for that. I’m really happy the way things are. He loves me and he shows it in little ways every day. And he respects me, which is even more important.
When he was sleeping the other night, I checked his phone. I felt bad about doing it, but I had to know. I’m pleased to say there was no sign of Tinder on there!
Thanks for everything, Joshua. Especially for answering my never ending questions. You are a patient man!